I chose to start with my most "Embarrassing Moment' ever. Not only is it embarrassing, it is hilarious when I think back on it.
Okay, here is how it goes: There's this guy that I am totally attracted to. He's not just tall, dark and handsome; I mean he's eye-catching and gorgeous, desirable to look upon. His athletic build is rock hard and well defined. You notice his broad shoulders and bulging muscles in his arms as he moves about. Then he smiles at you and your cares are taken away and he makes you light up from the inside out. On top of that he has a great, fun loving personality with a strong sense of humor that keeps you laughing and smiling all the time. He always has a flattering remark for the ladies. What makes him so special to me is his charm, a type of magic that lures me to him. This man is confident and knows he is desired, but does not need to prove it to those around him. A charming man that can make my heart laugh will capture me every time.
This man literally leaves me speechless, and that's rare for me because I am one of the biggest flirts out there. I get a charge sparing with the opposite sex by us teasing and tempting each other. Don't get it twisted, though, I've slowed down quite a bit, but I can usually go toe to toe flirting with someone. I may tempt and tease, but it takes a special guy these days to get with me. Everyone thinks I'll follow through with all my flirtation, but not these days. Back in the day is another drama story all together. I'll have to tell you those everlasting stories much later.
Okay, back to my embarrassing moment. Now this guy, I'll call him Denzel ;-), he knows I have the hots for him and we flirt with each other all the time. Late one Sunday night I ran out to the grocery store for just a minute. What makes this night ironic is, before I got out of my vehicle I took a look into my rear view mirror and thought to myself while laughing, how terrible it would be if I saw Denzel at the store tonight, especially since he doesn't live in my area. This was because I was looking absolutely horrible that night. This means I was tore up!
Since I no longer work in Corporate America and work from home, I don't keep up with my appearance like I should. You'd better believe that this Sunday night was no exception. I walked into the store exhausted from a day of yard and house cleaning with a dingy brown coach scarf thrown around my head which didn't match anything I had on. Once again, I was only going in for a minute. I had this sloppy, light blue t-shirt hanging below my blue jean jacket. My jeans were at least two sizes too big, so big that the crotch hung midway to my knees and straight legged at that. I hate gym shoes and rarely wear them, so I'm wearing these big white gym shoes that made my feet look like 'Carnival Cruise Ships'. I was just looking a hot mess. To top it all off, it felt like I had a uni-brow since I had missed an earlier appointment. Now, I go through the store quickly, scared to go by the glass doors in the freezer case, cause I'm hiding from my luminous reflection (hee hee).
So, here I am in the check-out putting my things on the conveyer belt while attempting to add up my cost.
All of a sudden I hear this enthusiastic sexy voice singing in my ears. That's right, it's Denzel in the next lane. I look up at this ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS MAN, with the million dollar smile saying 'Hey, what's up, Lexi?' (oh my goodness, I am laughing with tears in my eyes just thinking about it again). At that moment, I could have melted into the floor from embarrassment. I Wanted To Drop To My Knees and Crawl Out of The Store.
This was one of those "Wanna Get Away?" moments from the Southwest Airline commercials. How in the world am I going to fix this tore up moment? Suddenly, my long lost prayer life had been miraculously found again. I started praying, "PLEASE GOD, HELP HIM SEE ANGELINA JOLIE or HALLE BERRY as he's talking to me!" I started feeling very warm, like I wanted to faint. My stomach is now bubbling and hurting. Because we both have the hots for each other, we would greet each other with this warm, sultry, sneak a feel, hearty hug, but not this time. I dare not move out of my lane, and for what, so he could get a good look at all this. NO WAY! I can't even remember much of what was said, because I was concentrating on just getting my horrible looking self out of his sight. When I paid my bill, I flew, practically running out of there while praying not to trip over my 'cruise ships'.
The next morning I couldn't wait to tell my friends about what happened. We were on a six way connection. I know all the ladies can relate to this feeling. They were all feeling my pain and being very sympathetic, saying 'Oh my Goodness' 'How Terrible'. We all know that no one wants to be embarrassed in this way. Then all of a sudden and out of nowhere, we all Cracked Up! We laughed so hard that our sides began to hurt. Tears of laughter were streaming down my face. The kind of laughter where you sometimes lose your breath.Oh My Goodness. We sometimes still laugh at that today and I will get that same Pain in my Stomach. Ouch!
Well, I learned a valuable lesson that night and hope you take heed in it. "DON'T TAKE YOUR TORE UP A$$ OUT OF THE HOUSE LOOKING LIKE THAT, EVER". Since that day, almost a year ago, I have not worn a scarf out in public, had my eyebrows looking like a uni-brow, or left my lips looking anything other than luscious.
Now I make sure I keep myself looking like my net worth ($1m) or at least half of that, especially since I just might run into 'Denzel' ;-)
Oh yeah, I threw those jeans in the garbage that night!
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