Sh_tTalker

Thursday, September 24, 2009

DON'T EVEN ASK!!!!!

This year, 2008, I’ve decided to make a few changes. The time for making New Year’s Resolutions has past, and I’ve never been one to make them, so I’m definitely not calling my changes or new decisions resolutions. I’ve just looked about how I’ve handled some situations and now think that if I’m faced with a particular situation again, I need to make a different choice. This may apply to you, but trust me; you are not the only one.

So here goes: Don’t Even Ask! I will not be loaning any money out this year and for years to come, well, in 99.9% of the cases. I have been use as an ATM or Drive-thru Bank for quite a few years. I thought at times that I should stamp “Payday Loan” across my forehead. At least I could get a ferocious amount of interest. You would think I have a money tree growing in my back yard, hmmm...

Money Tree in my backyard, RIGHT!


With all the other loans I received no interest and actually lost money, because my money that is now loaned out is losing the interest. In all cases, I have asked myself before lending any money, “if this loan never gets repaid, can I do without it and forget about it”, “if this loan never gets repaid, is it worth losing my friendship or association with you?”

I always remember this statement a speaker said once, “PEOPLE BEG THEIR NEEDS AND BUY THEIR WANTS”.

This statement is so true in lots of cases. You will see people who spend their money on the things they desire (eating out, all the latest fashion, extracurricular activities, etc.), when they can’t really afford to, then when it comes to their needs (rent or mortgage, light, gas, phone, etc) they are always short and borrowing money.

In the rare .1% where I may think about extending a loan, consider the following and be prepared to answer some questions from me.

First of all, you may have 'Good Intentions' to pay back the loan, but you may 'Lack The Ability' to repay the loan.

Therefore:

  • Tell me your plan for repayment
  • Are you expecting a sudden Win-Fall in order to repay the loan
  • have you corrected the circumstances that caused you to ask for this loan from me

    To close, if you Do Not have a 'Plan For Repayment' and one that will keep you from borrowing again; then, I will be 'Unable To Extend' this loan to you.

    Please Stop!

    Whew! I’m so glad I got that off my chest.
  • Wednesday, September 9, 2009

    Lexi's Most Embarrassing Moment

    It was really hard trying to figure out where to start telling my story, but I finally made a choice.

    I chose to start with my most "Embarrassing Moment' ever. Not only is it embarrassing, it is hilarious when I think back on it.


    Okay, here is how it goes: There's this guy that I am totally attracted to. He's not just tall, dark and handsome; I mean he's eye-catching and gorgeous, desirable to look upon. His athletic build is rock hard and well defined. You notice his broad shoulders and bulging muscles in his arms as he moves about. Then he smiles at you and your cares are taken away and he makes you light up from the inside out. On top of that he has a great, fun loving personality with a strong sense of humor that keeps you laughing and smiling all the time. He always has a flattering remark for the ladies. What makes him so special to me is his charm, a type of magic that lures me to him. This man is confident and knows he is desired, but does not need to prove it to those around him. A charming man that can make my heart laugh will capture me every time.

    This man literally leaves me speechless, and that's rare for me because I am one of the biggest flirts out there. I get a charge sparing with the opposite sex by us teasing and tempting each other. Don't get it twisted, though, I've slowed down quite a bit, but I can usually go toe to toe flirting with someone. I may tempt and tease, but it takes a special guy these days to get with me. Everyone thinks I'll follow through with all my flirtation, but not these days. Back in the day is another drama story all together. I'll have to tell you those everlasting stories much later.

    Okay, back to my embarrassing moment. Now this guy, I'll call him Denzel ;-), he knows I have the hots for him and we flirt with each other all the time. Late one Sunday night I ran out to the grocery store for just a minute. What makes this night ironic is, before I got out of my vehicle I took a look into my rear view mirror and thought to myself while laughing, how terrible it would be if I saw Denzel at the store tonight, especially since he doesn't live in my area. This was because I was looking absolutely horrible that night. This means I was tore up!

    Since I no longer work in Corporate America and work from home, I don't keep up with my appearance like I should. You'd better believe that this Sunday night was no exception. I walked into the store exhausted from a day of yard and house cleaning with a dingy brown coach scarf thrown around my head which didn't match anything I had on. Once again, I was only going in for a minute. I had this sloppy, light blue t-shirt hanging below my blue jean jacket. My jeans were at least two sizes too big, so big that the crotch hung midway to my knees and straight legged at that. I hate gym shoes and rarely wear them, so I'm wearing these big white gym shoes that made my feet look like 'Carnival Cruise Ships'. I was just looking a hot mess. To top it all off, it felt like I had a uni-brow since I had missed an earlier appointment. Now, I go through the store quickly, scared to go by the glass doors in the freezer case, cause I'm hiding from my luminous reflection (hee hee).

    So, here I am in the check-out putting my things on the conveyer belt while attempting to add up my cost. All of a sudden I hear this enthusiastic sexy voice singing in my ears. That's right, it's Denzel in the next lane. I look up at this ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS MAN, with the million dollar smile saying 'Hey, what's up, Lexi?' (oh my goodness, I am laughing with tears in my eyes just thinking about it again). At that moment, I could have melted into the floor from embarrassment. I Wanted To Drop To My Knees and Crawl Out of The Store.


    This was one of those "Wanna Get Away?" moments from the Southwest Airline commercials. How in the world am I going to fix this tore up moment? Suddenly, my long lost prayer life had been miraculously found again. I started praying, "PLEASE GOD, HELP HIM SEE ANGELINA JOLIE or HALLE BERRY as he's talking to me!" I started feeling very warm, like I wanted to faint. My stomach is now bubbling and hurting. Because we both have the hots for each other, we would greet each other with this warm, sultry, sneak a feel, hearty hug, but not this time. I dare not move out of my lane, and for what, so he could get a good look at all this. NO WAY! I can't even remember much of what was said, because I was concentrating on just getting my horrible looking self out of his sight. When I paid my bill, I flew, practically running out of there while praying not to trip over my 'cruise ships'.

    The next morning I couldn't wait to tell my friends about what happened. We were on a six way connection. I know all the ladies can relate to this feeling. They were all feeling my pain and being very sympathetic, saying 'Oh my Goodness' 'How Terrible'. We all know that no one wants to be embarrassed in this way. Then all of a sudden and out of nowhere, we all Cracked Up! We laughed so hard that our sides began to hurt. Tears of laughter were streaming down my face. The kind of laughter where you sometimes lose your breath.Oh My Goodness. We sometimes still laugh at that today and I will get that same Pain in my Stomach. Ouch!

    Well, I learned a valuable lesson that night and hope you take heed in it. "DON'T TAKE YOUR TORE UP A$$ OUT OF THE HOUSE LOOKING LIKE THAT, EVER". Since that day, almost a year ago, I have not worn a scarf out in public, had my eyebrows looking like a uni-brow, or left my lips looking anything other than luscious.

    Now I make sure I keep myself looking like my net worth ($1m) or at least half of that, especially since I just might run into 'Denzel' ;-)

    Oh yeah, I threw those jeans in the garbage that night!

    Friday, September 4, 2009

    Snorkeling With Lexi . . . drama in deed!

    Wow!! St. Thomas Virgin Island; I finally made it.



    Sadly, I was in the prime of my life and this was my very first real vacation. Sure, I visited family in Oregon state, Mississippi, and friends in Florida, Indiana and the like but this was my first tropical island vacation; one that I had longed for many years.

    For the past several years, my vacation had been centered on helping my elderly mother and church conventions. Vacations were to travel with her to family reunions, grandchildren’s graduations or my sister’s wedding. I had only taken short trips here and there but there was an adventurous side of me yet to be discovered. I worked in the pharmaceutical industry where I had heard of the most exciting and bold vacations. It is an industry where managers work extremely hard and leave the country for vacations as not to be tempted to use their cell phone or check emails. I had heard of vacations to Japan, Ethiopia, Italy, Africa and such. Of course there was Germany, Thailand, Egypt and other choice delights. From time to time, I would ask them what they did for vacations and I would here things like “Oh, I won the trip to Japan and you would have loved it because of all the temples there” or “I went to Italy for 2 months to learn the language on the weekend, I ventured off and explored the country”. They would return the gesture and ask me “What did you do for the holiday break” and my reply would be “Oh, I spent it with family, went to church, with very little quiet time and now I’m back here”. I began to feel my life had become far too predictable which is a nice way of saying quite boring. I knew that there was an adventurer deep within me longing to get out. I wanted to get away and do something courageous for a great change.

    My girlfriend Lexi is from the mid-west. She is single and is the one many look to for solutions to their problems. Why, because she is good at all she does. Everyone looks to Lexi because Lexi knows and always has known how to get things done. She does an exceptional job at it all. Family is in order, finances appear out of thin air and no one is in need of anything. She loves them all but when vacation time rolls around; she’s catching the first thing smoking headed away from home! Lexi is a researcher and planner by nature. Many trips and money making ideas were thought of in the mind of Lexi first. She works hard and she plays hard. She has a practical side of looking at things and had words of advice for friends and people around her whether they took heed to it or not. When she spoke of the trip to Puerto Rico, St. Thomas and St. Martaan, I was in!



    This trip to the Virgin Island would include Lexi, Leah, Ky and me. I had met Leah the year prior when Lexi came to California. Her sister Ky now completed the foursome. She was the youngest sibling of Leah and was very excited about the trip as well. We all met the evening prior to our cruise in Ft. Lauderdale and took an AM limo ride to Miami. At Noon, we would be sipping tropical drinks aboard the Carnival Triumph!


    I could not wait for this new experience about to happen!


    When we got on the ship, it was the most perfect God ordained day. The sun was shining, people smiling while dressed in bright colors and excitement filled the air. Lexi and I shared a cabin and Leah and Ky shared a room just next door. If you are traveling with Lexi, one thing for sure is that you are traveling in style. We had balcony cabins located on the 9th floor and the ship only had 10 floors. Since I, waiting till the last minute in getting my deposit in, the 9th floor was the best we could do. My bad! We had the porter open the divider on our balcony which separated our 2 cabins so now we had a balcony about 20 feet long and 5 feet wide. This, to me, remained the best seat in the house with a book or I-Pod and quiet time in prayer.

    We went about exploring the ship and the next day realized that we needed to book our excursions. We were having such a good time, we had forgotten about the business aspects of the trip. We all had to decide which events 4 different personalities would participate in. Lexi, Leah and Ky had other thoughts in mind for their events; such as sightseeing bus, shopping and everything else that made me yawn profusely. No way, not for me! I had come too far and it had been too long to play it safe as I had all my life. This was my first real vacation and I wanted memories that would last me for a lifetime. I had decided that one thing I wanted to do for sure is go snorkeling. That is one thing that just about everyone talked about. So I went ahead and scheduled snorkeling in the afternoon and Parasailing in the AM, with my bad self, since I was assured that I would be doing all water activities alone. No one was really excited about putting their faces underwater.
    I wished that I could convince them to go with me but I’ve spent a great deal of time alone so this would be just another day in the life of Dia. Besides, nothing was going to get in the way of my stories around the watering hole back at the office.

    I finally would be able to contribute to conversations of breathtaking vacations!


    After studying and asking several questions about the tours and events, Lexi surprised me when she mentioned that she might be interested in a snorkeling class for beginners. She was told by the information desk of a class where you enter from the shore and that she would consider doing that was since the water would not be deep and she could control how far in she wanted to go. This sounded great to Lexi because she was afraid of water. Yes, even Superman had a weakness and water it seems was Lexi’s kryptonite. Lexi later told me why she was afraid of water, because she’s had recurring dreams that she had drowned. Because of this, she did not know how to swim and stayed away from water and water activities.

    You say, “Now wait a minute”. Yes … you would be correct – we ARE on a cruise, in the middle of the Caribbean, which was her sensational idea!

    I didn’t dare remind her of that one as we were sailing all over these waters for 7 days and 7 nights. Interestingly enough, just the night prior Leah, had run into our cabin off of the balcony and slammed the door because she began to think of the Loch Ness Monster as she was outside alone smoking a cigarette. I guess she thought of the Loch Ness venturing to the Virgin Islands all the way from Scotland just to eat our asses up. We were just that special - Amazing!

    To my great pleasure, all the ladies decided to take the beginners snorkeling trip. I was happy to hear of their change of heart and I quickly switched my snorkeling to the AM and I would still be parasailing alone in the afternoon while they went on their wildly adventurous, that’s right, bus tour of the island!


    It was the morning of our snorkeling trip and we were so excited. We got dressed in our swim suits, sarongs, hats and sun shades. We looked like bonified tourists ready to enjoy the day ahead of us. Leah was the camera happy one with the outgoing personality. There was no need for anyone else to carry a camera with Leah snapping pictures all day long. She talked to many natives and snapped pictures of each one. Somehow, Leah always ended up sitting next to the bus drivers. You just think that you’ve seen a man smile. She absolutely made their day and of course, there was a picture for the memories.

    Happily, we rode along rustic windy roads anxiously awaiting our day of adventure. We saw the locals walking along, goats grazing and iguana hanging on the sides of trees. What a different way of life this is from Orange County, California. It was nice conversing with other tourist from the ship on our tour. Everyone seemed to be equally as excited as I was about my snorkeling escapade. I just could not wait to experience the deep blue sea and see what only I had seen in pictures.

    Our first stop was at the equipment shop. It was a little hut like shop alongside the winding road to the sea. This is where we would pick up our gear for snorkeling. We all received goggles, fins and the mouth apparatus with tubing for breathing. The four of us ladies went in together and purchased an underwater camera so we could take pictures of the salt water fish that did not exist in California or the Mid-West. We could not wait to see the vibrant colors and different variety of fish in salty water. Amongst all the excitement, I guess maybe I was the only one who noticed that friend Lexi was a bit quiet.
    I wondered why. Could she possible be having second thoughts about our think outside-of-the-box sea quest? Was she thinking that she could have taken a basket weaving class instead of this wildly adventurous feat? Was this woman going to ruin my great tales of adventure yet to be told back at the office? Only time would tell but if she ruined my event, I had something that was going to hurt for her. It was about this time when Lexi spotted a bright orange life vest that she decided she had to have.

    She had mentioned before that she wanted to use one and would actually buy one if they were not for rent. I didn’t notice anyone else on the trip renting this type of gear but better safe than sorry I guess. Whatever made her feel safe was fine with me because a fear of water is nothing to play with.

    After another short ride from the equipment shop, alas, we were there. We finally arrived at the semi private beach for snorkeling. The sea water and rock formations were absolutely amazing! The colors of teal and turquoise were most dominate and soothing to the soul.
    I thought to myself what an amazing and creative God to make such magnificence. The next surprise was the warmth of the water which was quite the opposite of the brisk, olive green Pacific that I had grown accustomed to. Ahhh, I thought, heaven it was and it was well worth the wait. This was the most awesome setting of rock formations and the sun glistening off of the most picturesque water my eyes had ever seen. This day was simply perfect!

    Ky decided that she didn’t want to get in the water and that she would rather sun bathe under the umbrella and watch our belongings. This was fine with me because this was the type of vacation where everyone could be happy. We were all due for that after working hard all year. Everyone needs to exhale in their own way and besides I was too excited about this new side of my life I was about to experience. And nothing was going to stand between my tales of adventures to be told once I would arrive home.

    With this being our first snorkeling trip, the guide said it would be best for beginners to put on their fins while in the water. It was supposedly easier than walking in the fins. So with raging excitement, I trotted off to the water’s edge and attempted to put on my fins while in the water. I tried several minutes to do this but the waves continued to knock me over and I was not successful. Anxiously eager to get on with the process, I left my fins on shore next to Ky and continued out to the water with just my goggles and mouth apparatus.

    Finally, I get to see the fish under water! I was about to burst with excitement! Now the next part of the program was to breathe underwater with the mouth apparatus. Sounds easy, until you get the hang of it I guess. After a few tries of breathing under water with the apparatus and drinking a half gallon of the saltiest water ever known to man, I decided to icksnay the mouth apparatus and it soon joined my fins ashore. Keep it simple I always say. It was a long time coming but I was closer than I had ever been to my first snorkeling adventure.


    Meanwhile I notice my friend Lexi a little apprehensive but dressed in snorkel gear nonetheless. Leah and I had made it a little ways out in the ocean up to our waists. We were both about 5’3” and were decent swimmers. Though I had tried, I wasn’t able to persuade Lexi to come with us. At this point in time, she felt most comfortable in the water … yet sitting on her butt. We tried a few time to get her to venture out but she just wasn’t ready yet. We decided to give her a little more time but in the meantime – we would be taking underwater pictures of us swimming wit de fishes, literally, yet not literally. The fish were so absolutely amazing. The vibrant colors and shapes were simply breathtaking.


    I was having a sensational experience but was beginning to wonder how this excursion was going to work with now one member of the crew ashore and one experiencing ocean water for the first time … on her bottom in full gear.

    Lexi knew she would love to see the fish but she had to overcome her fear pretty soon or her chance of a lifetime would be gone. She was a lover of all beautiful
    things and I knew she was in for an adventure if I could only get her to stop the love affair with the mysterious good looking rock she was hugging as if for dear life. I had come to realize that my girl Lexi was simply not ready for snorkeling at all!

    Meanwhile, Leah and I would take turns taking pictures of each other. When we came up from underwater, we would talk about how beautiful the fish were. It was as if we were gazing into a salt water fish tank. “Here, take my picture with the fish” I would say before ducking under water and getting into a goofy pose. “Now you take my picture” Leah would say as she would try to outperform me underwater. We were having a ball. This went on for a while, us taking pictures, when all of a sudden a voice cried out from the wilderness, as a jealous five year old wanting his ball back, “I guess you both will be paying for the camera yourselves since you are taking all the pictures” she screamed. “Did you even bother to take any pictures of the fish or just the two of you playing around and wasting film?” she said in a pouty yet domineering voice. I quickly looked at Leah and we both knew that it was time for us to go closer to shore and pry our friend away from Denzel the Rock, whether she was ready or not.

    Lexi was sure enough a sight! This lady being quite statuesque and had on her goggles, mouth apparatus, a flaming orange life jacket and fins sitting in 2’ of water holding a dag gone rock as if it were her life support! Can you imagine? Sometimes we need to really see ourselves to make a change! We promptly walked over to where she was but it took us a few minutes longer than expected because a couple of 5 year olds were jumping and diving in the water in front of us asking their Dad to take pictures of them doing so. This still didn’t convince Lexi of her safety, even with her being twice as tall as the children. We immediately began to convince Lexi of the beautiful world under the sea that she was missing out on. I did not dare tell her the fish were close enough to actually be nipping at her knee cap because I thought it might be too much for her to handle. After talking to her for a few minutes, letting how know how safe it was, we finally convinced her to venture out to waist level. I told her to keep her goggles, leave the mouth apparatus and the fins and simply count to 3 and hold her breath and go under water and enjoy.

    Finally, when I began to cry as I begged, she agreed and we began to move into deeper waters. I simply did not want this to be the extent of my quest for excitement, because this was not it. Though she had agreed, Lexi had a plan though. She demanded the Leah hold one arm and I hold the other so she would not fall in the still, peaceful Caribbean. There was absolutely no convincing her that this was not necessary. Reluctantly yet willingly, we began walking with Lexi and holding her arms but she was and continued … walking on her knees! Seeing my adventure becoming more of a rescue mission I said, “Lexi, why don’t you stand up … please? You are in 2 feet of water”. She quickly grunted, “Ugh ugh”! The water would have a greater chance of making me losing my balance sweeping me off my feet”! With a puzzled look on my face, I glanced around about me to see if the calm quiet bath water of the Caribbean was still there.
    It was indeed, but in Lexi’s mind, there was a tsunami on the horizon and soon, she would be snobbishly showing us how she was the only wise one who thought of obtaining a life vest. So here we go, three grown women continued as one unit to the blood curdling 3 feet water level, which would have been about waist high if one of us were not insisting on continuing in the perpetual position of prayer! I think now of what the people ashore thought when looking at us practically carrying a grown woman in 2 feet of water with Victor the Life Vest committed to service! This was her new found love she was holding on to now that she found the courage to release Denzel. We must have looked like a preacher and a deacon ready for a baptismal if it weren’t for the die hard life vest. Why the hell did she get that life vest anyway? I just knew some kid is somewhere still crying because he couldn’t get in the water because some grown ass woman took the last ever living life vest!

    We went out far enough in the ocean so Lexi would be able to squat under water. I told Lexi to simply count to 3, take a deep breath and go under the water and see a whole new world, a brand new dazzling point of view. She finally found the confidence to do this and I was beginning to get very excited for her. So we all in unison began to count, 1-2-3 when V took a deep breath and plunged under the water when we realized she couldn’t because of Victor, the industrial strength life vest was forcing her to stay afloat. Wondering if I would need blood pressure medication when we were done, I said calmly, and I mean calmly, “Lex, why don’t you take the life vest off. We are in 3 feet of water and we are not going out any further”. Once again, she quickly yelled, Oh No, Ugh Ugh! I’m not taking this vest off. You guys are just going to have to hold my head down under the water”. Then Lexi asked, looking directly into our eyes as she said, “I want you guys to push my head underwater from the crown of my head. Just push and hold me down”! Leah and I looked at each other with the most puzzled look imaginable when I said, “Lexi, are you sure you don’t just want to remove the vest? I think you would enjoy it much better”. She assured me emphatically that she did not.

    So now we proceeded to have a Perry Mason episode of “The Case of the Caribbean Life Vest Drowning”. What will this look like, 2 grown ladies holding someone’s head underwater so they can simply see fish? All I knew is that nothing better happen to this girl or we would have a hard time explaining how Lexi wanted us to hold her head under water while she had on the most heavy duty life vest ever invented. So what did Leah and I do, like two goombahs; we agreed to hold Lexi’s head under water … so she could simply see fish.


    Great tales of adventure! It is sounding more ridiculous to me now more than ever. And just before we tried it again, Lexi looked us both square in the eye and demanded, “Hold me down, just hold me down”! as if these were her last words. So, we tried it again, on the count of three, 1-2-3. Lexi quickly took a deep breath but before she did she reminded us, again, “Hold my head down”. And so we did. We had to force Lexi’s head by her crown, under the water and resist not only the almighty floating power of the life vest but Lexi’s flapping arms.

    Meanwhile, our limbs were shaking trying to keep her head under when we heard the hollow voice saying “Oooooooo!!
    Oooooooooo!! Ooooooooo!! Lexi jumped up out of the water and exclaimed as if she had discovered Atlantis, “It is absolutely gorgeous under there”. Leah and I replied while rubbing our throbbing triceps, “We know.
    We know”! Like any child doing something fun for the first time, Lexi cried, “Let’s do it again”. So once again, we would have been charged with attempted murder by anyone daring to explain this colorful fiasco that I have even still yet to believe. I could hear my answer to the judge if anything happened, “But your honor, we had to hold her head underwater. We were under her direct orders”!

    People; be careful of the company you keep! This could have been a statistical case of peer pressure in the worst way.

    Dia!

    Saturday, August 29, 2009

    Happy Birthday MICHAEL JACKSON


    MICHAEL JOSEPH JACKSON

    Wish you were still here to celebrate your 51st Birthday!

    The one and only "KING OF POP".

    You are forever in my heart. Miss n Love U Much!

    Gone Too Soon
    Never Can Say Good Bye
    Who's Loving You
    The Way You Make Me Feel
    Billie Jean
    Smooth Criminal
    Remember The Time
    Wanna Be Starting Something
    BAD
    Heaven Can Wait
    Speechless
    Butterflies
    Human Nature
    Just too many hits to list. Last But Definitely not Least:
    Thriller!

    Friday, August 28, 2009

    Procrastination!

    I know, I was to work on this blog over a month ago, but I've been procrastinating. I'm waiting on a flight at the airport, so I guess this is a little opportunity. I don't plan to write this weekend though, just fun! However I have to keep my laptop for work emergencies.

    @PlatinumJoy, the Sh_tTalker Shirts coming real soon! LOL